Tell me how you live...

It has been a while since I've last updated.  I am 20.  I appreciate everyone who came to my birthday gathering.  I had a great time.  I got happy birthday emails from two colleges I didn't go to and my ex-boyfriend.  Strange stuff happens.  I enjoy all of my gifts.
Today feels like early summer.  There is an odd mood in the library, like school is almost over and everyone wants to go to the pool.  I believe this is all in my mind.  Speaking of mind, I am withdrawing from my first class, philosophy of mind.  I just can't do it.  I need some time to do what I want during the week.
Besides that, things are going fine.  I am just tired and bored and want to be free.  I don't even really know what that means.  Just something to say when there's nothing to say.

Oh messy life.

I like waking up slowly and savoring those last few moments between the sheets.
I like watching the patterns the sun makes when it shines through trees or gaps in the blinds.
I like driving.
I would like to live in a house where clothing is optional.

renaissaster has a love/hate relationship with language. Yet words seem to elude me altogether. That had always been the cause of my fear, that no one would ever understand me because I lack the means to truly communicate. But I was in a relationship once that let open the dam that held back my thoughts and they flowed freely and beautifully. And although I did not always say exactly what I meant, I was understood.
I feel stuck again. My mind does not always think in words. I know how I feel, what I want, who I am, but I don't know how to express it. When I write, some sentences can go on and on and on because I am trying to contain a thought in too small of a compartment. I am no good at assigning adjectives to feeling or creating metaphors for experiences. I prefer the work of others because they are concise in a way I am not.
Perhaps one day, another person will comprehend my being. Right now, however, I don't know what else to say.

I have a bio test tomorrow and I am doing everything in my power to avoid studying. Over Thanksgiving break, I may get a tattoo. My plans fell through over fall break, so I should do it now. I'm ready for next semester to be here.

I have a nagging feel that something is missing, again.


And I still like it.

We've been back at Mercer for over a week now. It has been great. I've been to a lot of officer meeting for various organizations and sort of attempting to get a job. Homework has been relatively easy and I hope it stays that way.
Breakdown for the inquiring minds of future generations:
BIO 212 (5 hours): So far, review of first semester of Chem. Limited knowledge of what the rest of the semester will hold.
BIO 299 (1 hour): Easy A. Research of frogs and what they will respond to as prey. Hang out in the forbidden fourth floor of Willett!
CHR 101 Old Testament (3 hours): Very interesting so far. Sweet professor. Uses terms like "shit happens" which the 80 year-old man in the class doesn't always pick up on.
PHI 290 Philosophy of Medicine (3 hours): Boring as anything. So far, I consider this a mistake.
PSY 215 Cognitive Psychology (3 hours): Awesome. Lots of neuroscience stuff that interests me.
FYS Preceptorship (2 hours): Good so far. Have to help the little freshmen outside of class since I only go one day a week. Kids don't seem half bad though.

Declared my major in Psych and minors in Bio and WGS! Whoo, I'm all grown up!

Living in an apartment is super great. Roommate Alicia is off doing other things a lot but we do fun stuff when she's here, like have awesome parties. More to come!

Hopefully the semester will continue to be low-stress and good times.

I wish I was still a dancer.

Life has been rather dull; I've been working, and that allows me to have fun with the people there, but mostly it is just working. I enjoy many of the objects in my room so I would like to share them with you:

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I still don't know how I am paying for college this year. My mom is all mellow about it but she's not the one who is going to get kicked out if we don't come up with the money. "Don't worry, we can get someone to co-sign a loan or something. We'll figure it out." Too bad everyone else in the family is poor too and won't sign or give me money. My parents may have gotten divorced today; we didn't talk about it. I should ask. My dad went to court and my mom found out he has almost a hundred grand in a retirement fund. She spent all of hers taking care of us and my dad won't fucking help me out with school. Not to mention he won't get me a car but he'll let my sister have the one he bought. My sister is planning on visiting UGA sometime soon and I may go too. Maybe junior year Mercer won't be a possibility. Fuckkkkk.